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My husband and I have talked about divorce and both agree that someone should move out, we have children, do either one of us run the risk of losing custody if one of us moves out?
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| My first observation is that you and your spouse are talking and agreeing. That tells me you have a reasonably cooperative situation. Most of the time, there is no risk to losing custody or reasonable parenting time for the parent who moves out. It is best for you both to agree prior to anyone moving out, however, how the children are going to go back and forth. The children need both parents and need consistency in their contact with both parents. The word "custody" is very adversarial and triggers a lot of emotional response. Better to focus only on what parenting-time arrangement is best for the children and eventually frame this in a shared parenting agreement (joint legal custody) in the divorce. Almost all agreements reached in a cooperative setting such as mediation take this form. Because of the short-term interim arrangements with the children, the temporary arrangement should not affect the final agreement for custody or parenting time. Note: Sometimes the temporary housing situation for the parent who leaves the home is not ideal for the children, but it is most important to keep children and the parent who leaves the home connected as much as possible. Don't focus on the necessity of an ideal housing situation at the risk of the chidren having less time with that parent who is out of the home. And don't forget to use the telephone for contact with the children as well. I would suggest that you not get tangled up in the legal issue but ask only what is best for the children and the family, and act accordingly. When the divorce circumstances are ugly and a long, drawn out divorce is anticipated, there is some risk to the parent leaving if the children are remaining with the other parent. If the children are doing well and the pattern of little contact has been established over a long period of some time, it is possible that this could affect the outcome. The court could decide that the children's best interests are served by maintaining the same parenting-time schedule that has been established. In cases like these, however, it is likely you will seek a temporary court order for custody and parenting-time schedule. And you are off and running in the legal process. In my opinion, that brings with it all kinds of risks. Good luck, Allison |
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